How do you get through to people? How do you let them know that you care, without feeding the frenzy and fantasy that makes people ache to become the centre of the universe? To vent, and shout and curse and cry and give heartrending accounts of their days and struggles?

Life is unscripted. I realize this. Absolutely. You can prepare, you can plan. And still life comes at you in infinite variety, full-speed ahead. This goes for me, and for the people I meet over the phone. I would hope generally, that we can come together somewhere in the middle.

However, I’m feeling despite the best of intentions, practice, planning and preparation on my part, people are just not prepared to listen to what I have to say. A call that could take 3 minutes, now bursts at the seams as people barge right on through the door that opens once I answer the line.



I’m done walking down one-way streets
I want clarity and self returned to me
It could be a long shot

Keep curiosity on the front-burner
A good heart within your person
A good head on your shoulders

Confusion reigns
Silver bullets are in high demand
Humanity is seething
Wisdom and beauty seem bereft
Some hope remains for pearls in the sea?

The seconds climb
And no one sees them or hears their calls
Devices tether and time runs wild
And yet we fear to speak of it

Brought to the world
Filled with meaning
Found less meaningful

Fate is yet to be decided.
Impact is yet to be determined
Some things cannot be deconstructed

The Sammy Shuffle: part 26

From February 20th:

The weather the past few days has made me hunger for the time I spent up the mountain in a snow shelter with my brother and father. At one point, the roof started falling in and rather than taking time to help me get up and mobile to exit under my own power, the boys instead asked me to stay put in my sleeping bag and retrieved the whole package through the entry hole — sliding Sami is a cinch in the snow, and I skidded out into the morning like an oversized purple caterpillar.

I could have skated to work today (except I can’t skate yet, maybe never… Maybe dog-sled would be more appropriate?).  The weather and roads are still a bit of a mess.

The Sammy Shuffle: part 25

From Feb 17, 2019:

Life is good. I have a roof and good food, tunes. Work that matters. I have a plan for 2019 and people in my corner to support me in those endeavours. I feel well. 

Today is Sunday. I’ve managed to sleep until 845am, I watched several episodes of The Honourable Woman, made porridge for brunch and did a few minutes of meditation, which in my case is just rolling out the yoga mat, lying on the floor and remembering to breathe while the sun shines through my front window. Now I’m writing this post at home with a mug of hot chocolate; I am 100% comfy cozy.

I’m happy to get to know my instruments again. I love the feeling of surrounding and being surrounded by sound as an immersive experience that the cello provides like nothing else. I’ve retreated from the world by choice and convenience and as a confluence of events that these past weeks have brought to a head today.

Some people might say that the snow makes one feel isolated, apart from others or is an unwelcome surprise. But I’ve found it to be the opposite: Everyone seems more alert to the activities and struggles of others, necessarily slower and more appreciative of the little things. To greet your neighbours, to thank them for their snow-clearing efforts, to build snowmen and stop mid-commute to catch flakes on your tongue or grudgingly admit that lifting your eyes from your feet seeking purchase within the slush and crusts wreaking havoc on everything at ground level, that the trees reaching upward really are beautiful and the air is stark and clear. 

Tomorrow I have to go get groceries- maybe travel-ability will have been improved by then? And continue the success of keeping myself entertained and engaged, without going off track and worrying about half a trillion bundles of sense and non-sense.



food for comfort

I made a legit curry dish for dinner last night 🙂 It was quite excellent. I plan on making it over again tonight.

Absolutely looking forward to the weekend and hoping it will be restful and restorative.

That’s all.

Day 4

This morning I had the luxury of a sleep-in, made breakfast, dressed, did a bit of yoga and headed out the door. Work was a hive of activity. I came to the library afterwards to grab a few DVDs and just enjoy the space. Plans for the weekend include a handful of tasks around communications, and lots of self-care.

Some stuff still on my mind, but my head doesn’t feel like it’s going to fall off, so it’s been a good day 😀


Victoria BB

Early May last year, our team took a few Pro-D days and headed to Victoria, BC. My memories of this time are good ones. 3 days of sunshine, walks by the ocean, bouncing around on a big bed in the hotel room I had all to myself.

We heard some excellent presentations from the professional members of our team, Dr. Chris Williams who pioneered the Bounce Back program, and clinical consultants, learning about the youth of today and their struggles with anxiety and depression in this 24/7 world we now live in…

The food was superb: breakfast, lunch, dinner and drinks and snacks ready to eat every time you even considered that you might possibly be a smidge hungry.

I learned so much and enjoyed so much and loved the chance to get to see everyone in person and engage in real conversation in real time instead of the usual chats over phone or email.

This year, the gathering is proposed for sometime in the fall, and I hope it meets with the same kind of success as the one held in Victoria, 2018 🙂

VSO matinee

For my birthday, my parents gifted me 2 tickets to the VSO performance of the story “Mr Beethoven Lives Upstairs” which we still have on cassette tape somewhere…

Mom and I went to the show on Sunday; it was great! Hearing the orchestra live literally gave me goosebumps and delighted shivers. The actors who portrayed the characters of the story onstage with the musicians were talented and entertaining and I enjoyed the whole production very much. Mom said she got distracted by the theatre being full of small children, but I was sucked right into the story and remained fully-absorbed the entire time.

If I ever find myself alone in one of the back rooms/garage at home, I can usually find one or both of the cassette tapes — Mr. Beethoven or Mr. Bach (from Mr. Beethoven Lives Upstairs, or Mr. Bach Comes to Call) and an elderly but serviceable cassette player and spend a good hour talking to my dog or just giving belly rubs while, listening to the stories for the umpteenth time.

Thanks for a great day, Mom 🙂

Love you!

From climbing trees

I tried to think about what I do for fun, no strings attached:

Enjoying Chocolate +/ Ice Cream
Popcorn +/ Movies
Exploring on foot

I kinda miss the days of climbing trees, playing cops and robbers, running with the dogs and eating watermelon and peanut butter sandwiches in a fort of the surrounding environs 🙂