food for comfort

I made a legit curry dish for dinner last night 🙂 It was quite excellent. I plan on making it over again tonight.

Absolutely looking forward to the weekend and hoping it will be restful and restorative.

That’s all.

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Day 4

This morning I had the luxury of a sleep-in, made breakfast, dressed, did a bit of yoga and headed out the door. Work was a hive of activity. I came to the library afterwards to grab a few DVDs and just enjoy the space. Plans for the weekend include a handful of tasks around communications, and lots of self-care.

Some stuff still on my mind, but my head doesn’t feel like it’s going to fall off, so it’s been a good day 😀

 

Victoria BB

Early May last year, our team took a few Pro-D days and headed to Victoria, BC. My memories of this time are good ones. 3 days of sunshine, walks by the ocean, bouncing around on a big bed in the hotel room I had all to myself.

We heard some excellent presentations from the professional members of our team, Dr. Chris Williams who pioneered the Bounce Back program, and clinical consultants, learning about the youth of today and their struggles with anxiety and depression in this 24/7 world we now live in…

The food was superb: breakfast, lunch, dinner and drinks and snacks ready to eat every time you even considered that you might possibly be a smidge hungry.

I learned so much and enjoyed so much and loved the chance to get to see everyone in person and engage in real conversation in real time instead of the usual chats over phone or email.

This year, the gathering is proposed for sometime in the fall, and I hope it meets with the same kind of success as the one held in Victoria, 2018 🙂

breathing room

The gratitude I feel for this extended weekend is bone-deep.

In as much as I can have no agenda, I’ve managed to make it this far into the day without beating myself up. It’s also sunny and I have the whole day to enjoy it and soak up some light and vitamin D which is super and a nice alternative to deprivation and desperation that I seem to be taking rather hard lately. As gatekeeper/Admin. it’s an occupational hazard.

As I’ve noticed and shared recently (at its most intense, nearly a month to the day), people are not doing so well; they are seeking appropriate help, which is good, admirable, and so important. But holding space for each person and practicing my own self-care has proven to be a challenge.

I took myself out this afternoon, had an omelette, a coffee, a change of scenery.

Remembering to eat, tidying up, reading, yoga, tunes and most especially laundry, these are the items on my to do list for Good Friday, Saturday, Easter Sunday and Easter Monday.

I’m taking it one step at a time and that’s all I can do and all I can say.

–Sam

 

 

 

 

The other side (1)

I don’t know how to be right now. I’m just trying really hard to show up and be open to possibilities. To stand tall. And I feel like a fish out of water. Sometimes, I just don’t want to participate. I’m tired of filters and sifting through the crap to find the real reason, the true fact, the warm and self-possessed.

Everything seems like it’s subtitled with “WTF?”. Almost everyone feels like a stranger. I’m angry and tired and near tears and I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone about it. I can’t tell them I want it to be well thought out, capably executed. I want to make it a reality that I have all my shit together and am ready to walk confidently into the world and engage in meaningful conversations and community building, friendships and kitchen gatherings, impactful reporting and well-being, and truth telling without doublespeak.

I can’t say that every time we make eye contact or feel the weight of expectation, invisible fireworks ignite and blind with their intensity until I reel like one concussed. I panic that I don’t meet those expectations, that I will unravel before your eyes. That the space is not good enough, or welcoming, that somehow I am unacceptable and should be held to account. How I see everything going wrong and everything going right and imagine it all going sideways with not enough to salvage what’s worth keeping. I’m a mess. It’s a joke. Nobody’s laughing. I feel so much it hurts. And yet, I made the effort. I inhabited the moment to the best of my ability. I showed up.

I will continue to show up. I will continue to create, and to reach and share and give my best and hope I’ve not contributed too much to the maelstrom or engaged in pursuits with persons scrounging only stolen minutes. To see and be seen.

good things (5)

My head is a mess right now. You will see evidence of that later. I’ve spent the last 3 hours considering my own content and the last 15 minutes determined to focus on the positive for the next few posts.

So… Maysome surprised the team with a heavenly stash of Häagen-Dazs ice-cream bars and I wasn’t the only one who thought she should receive top honours for services to humanity. The office was wonderfully sweaty, and the ice-cream definitely boosted morale 🙂

Pages turned (2)

I woke feeling blissful and not quite awake, grabbed a piece of pb toast, read my book and fell back asleep for a few more hours. 

I’ve finally found a story to inhabit again. I read Because of Winn Dixie in one afternoon and watched it brought to life on screen in the evening. The Tiger’s Wife seems full of promise.

Lunch I suppose was oatmeal and fruit salad. Dinner I’ve accomplished already… imagine that, not even 5pm and the kitchen’s seen more activity and from-scratch concocting today than all of last week combined.

I spent the day under the radar: cleaned up, talked with Mom, which made me happy — and read some more. 

Pages turned (1)

I finished The Gunslinger by Stephen King, just before Christmas 2018. It was not a reading experience I wished to repeat. Full of vivid descriptions of desperate places and people, dark magic, murder and malice it felt like every word on the page was doomed (I would be curious to see the movie adaptation just released, but I’m not feeling too optimistic). 

I opened The Shipping News next and proved myself a sucker for punishment. The story takes place almost entirely in Newfoundland, which was a surprise, won numerous praise, and had been adapted into a movie. It was, like The Gunslinger, part of my curious collection of possibilities, sitting pages unturned on my bookshelf. So, I thought it worth a try…

Quoyle, the protagonist is the definition of hapless. Nothing goes well for him. His wife does not love him, his kids are taken from him and sold to the highest bidder, his father is uncovered as a rapist. Car wrecks, shipwrecks and sexual assaults abound. Ghosts and murderers wander unchecked. Homes and loves and livelihoods are washed into the sea. The only good thing that happens is that he gets his kids back unharmed, and ultimately finds a woman who loves him back.

–Sam

waffle’s the secret?

Hello world!

This blog is mostly a place for me to record pieces of everyday thoughts and happenings and that anyone reads or enjoys it is rewarding for me to know 🙂 I do enjoy writing it and sending it out into the world.

I have to say I was a bit shocked with the results of my post on waffles! Made me smile and start craving waffles all over again. So, thanks for stopping by sharing your enthusiasm for this edible treat.

All the best,

Sincerely,

Sam