food for comfort

I made a legit curry dish for dinner last night 🙂 It was quite excellent. I plan on making it over again tonight.

Absolutely looking forward to the weekend and hoping it will be restful and restorative.

That’s all.

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Pathways

Plans for the good life

Must include pancakes

One good friend for the end of the world

Please

All pandemonium is strings, knots undone and unknown.

Poets, art, challenger and powerful verbs march toward the action

on a piece of paper for the ages.

And that is what 

My brain says 

At quarter past 9 this evening

Thank you

The other side (1)

I don’t know how to be right now. I’m just trying really hard to show up and be open to possibilities. To stand tall. And I feel like a fish out of water. Sometimes, I just don’t want to participate. I’m tired of filters and sifting through the crap to find the real reason, the true fact, the warm and self-possessed.

Everything seems like it’s subtitled with “WTF?”. Almost everyone feels like a stranger. I’m angry and tired and near tears and I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone about it. I can’t tell them I want it to be well thought out, capably executed. I want to make it a reality that I have all my shit together and am ready to walk confidently into the world and engage in meaningful conversations and community building, friendships and kitchen gatherings, impactful reporting and well-being, and truth telling without doublespeak.

I can’t say that every time we make eye contact or feel the weight of expectation, invisible fireworks ignite and blind with their intensity until I reel like one concussed. I panic that I don’t meet those expectations, that I will unravel before your eyes. That the space is not good enough, or welcoming, that somehow I am unacceptable and should be held to account. How I see everything going wrong and everything going right and imagine it all going sideways with not enough to salvage what’s worth keeping. I’m a mess. It’s a joke. Nobody’s laughing. I feel so much it hurts. And yet, I made the effort. I inhabited the moment to the best of my ability. I showed up.

I will continue to show up. I will continue to create, and to reach and share and give my best and hope I’ve not contributed too much to the maelstrom or engaged in pursuits with persons scrounging only stolen minutes. To see and be seen.

word choice (2)

Those well-respected persons in the dog world completed a study some years ago and concluded that we have had such impact and influence on the species as to make them strangers to their own kind. Dogs now are better friends to man than other canines.

But as humans, we’ve done a pretty awful job in learning to understand and appreciate our non-human friends, these wonderful beings. Anyone can call themselves an expert, anyone can post a video and label it ‘cute’ when the footage is more accurately described as ‘terrifying’. Before you start pressing buttons, maybe just take a moment to consider your sources, content and behaviour. Please 🙂

word choice (1)

This is a test. Seems to be how I start all my posts on what is essentially a glorified typewriter. As is the fact that my device’s power always seems to be sitting at comfortable 20%. And that’s where I’m at too. Though maybe I’m the only one willing to admit it. I have a journal that I’ve been keeping. The stuff that doesn’t manage to get shifted from my head to the blogosphere may land on the page instead. I hope no one else ever reads it, to be honest, but it is extraordinarily helpful in uncovering meaning and place. 

good things (1)

Woke up at a reasonable time, decently rested.

Functional ensemble puts a brave face to the world
Clean house
Made 3 people smile
Stayed present
Cup of Chai
Found safe space
See and be seen*
Mission accomplished
Ate an orange
Time with friends
Arranged new playlist
Optimistic weather

 

Greetings!

I find languages beautiful. Learning them would be thrilling, but I’d probably still end up with the problem of finding people to talk to! I just tried running through my personal phone tree and the results are not inspiring.

Hardly anyone talks to anyone else these days. Everyone seems to have better things to do, or a relationship that has soured or a phone that doesn’t ring or a friend that doesn’t answer. Work is great; my team is up on all the latest, and is not above prank calling their neighbour or sharing a pack of Timbits or a slice of blueberry pie. Outside the office, however, it is quite desolate. My friend just told me that my use of exclamation points made her uncomfortable, which was hilarious and horrifying at the same time — I can’t help it if my enthusiasm manifests in punctuation, you’re the first person I’ve conversed with in DAYS!!! 😀

gratitude

afterglow art backlit bokeh
Photo by luizclas on Pexels.com

These gifts I have received have changed my life in big, little and positive ways:

Quebec 2016

New winter coat
Sidestix w/Snowshoes!!!
Headlamp
Swiss Army knife
Headphones
Anything horse-related: bookends, books, equestrian Barbie
Anything from the heart: cards, notes, conversations
Indigo gift cards ❤

Homemade pumpkin pie
Hugs!

And nights out with friends 😀
Music: fiddle, cello, singing, kitchen parties, new albums and soundtracks with great artists