serious thought

It is both invigorating and terrifying to apply yourself to the solving of key puzzles and the answering of serious questions.



12 hours ago

Twelve hours ago I was swinging out the door and up the hill to the bus, and it is only now that I have what is left of the evening to unwind, turn off and be content, quietly.

The week has been excellent and things continue to fall into place.


today’s brief history

I have to watch myself, to stop myself from trying to animate processes through sheer force of will. To remind myself I am not alone. To rest.

Today was a good one. My head was clear and my limbs and bones felt solid and capable. 12 hours sleep will do a body a world of good! Paradoxically, on the inside the darkness has faded into a soft warm light, whereas on the outside darkness now comes more swiftly than ever before and has my corner of the world firmly in its grip by 4pm — honestly, most days it seems that 4pm lasts all day.

I should do laundry by 7pm, maybe have another cupful of tea and try not to worry too much about what other people might think of my take on life and this handful of words I set down here, because no matter how much or how little I say or to whom, it’s still only a part of the story.

I hit ‘delete’ once. But I’ve decided to let it be and stay on the record. Because today wasn’t earth shattering, but it was still grand 🙂


Them’s the rules

Getting home today seemed to take an eternity. However, this incident made me laugh heartily on the inside 🙂

‘Sir, you can not bring a dog on the bus.’

‘But I’m not,’ says an honest, hopeful voice with no hint of malice or deception. I peer around out the open door from my seat behind the driver to see a short, round man in a toque and down jacket with a bright, cheerful, furry face smiling out from where he has been zipped cozily in with his owner.

‘That is a dog, sir. And you cannot bring a dog on the bus unless it is in an approved carrier. Sorry, sir. Those are the rules.’

The driver speaks calmly and kindly and the two transit hopefuls offer no rebuke.

The three of them have my respect for being so sincere and cordial their exchange, in what, in many cases could have become an ugly confrontation. They also made me smile, and just a tad sad (I do hope they managed to find a safe way home and did not spend too long in the cold and dark).

Learning curve

Clear, honest, thoughtful communication.

It appears to be lacking.

Brain cells appear to be lacking.

Some people have given up but not stopped snarling.

Adrift in a fog as a castaway.

When the beauty and strength, respect and love disappear.

Adapt or perish.

Lines are drawn and erased.

Learn the nuance. Embrace it. Celebrate.

Take care of yourself, take care of your world.


Fuel has been added to the fire today and it’s burning hot, despite the fact my toes are thawing for the umpteenth time.

I’ve eaten plenty of chocolate, travelled the city, found something new to cherish and something new to hope for.

And I am euphoric. My phone is dead, my blanket is warm and my heart is unburdened.

Tomorrow is all mine.


I am her

Let me be.

No plan. No man, no phone. No home.

No sleep. Crushing fog, searing colour.

Stasis and evolution at the present time.

Demands of strength and pragmatics.

On the inside screaming to be let out.

Laughing to the sky where everyone sees but no one knows.

Build me up and let me come undone.

Holding the filaments of the day in my mind and palms.

I am overcome.


Fine lines

Here is an article by Crippled Scholar which I really enjoyed… read more.

Language is important, history is important, and disabled is a part of my identity that I value and advocate for. No one is invincible. Nobody is perfect. We are all human and we shouldn’t be avoiding the conversation. It’s not a choice between euphemisms and insults, it’s about clear, honest, thoughtful communication.

And just FYI, ‘special’ makes my stomach and eyeballs roll.