From the heart today.

I wanted to pour my heart out today. And today I have the energy to translate in part what’s in my head, into something else. I can’t talk like this to very many people, without getting some funny looks. So, the blog it is. Truth is, I feel self-conscious a lot of the time- whether this comes across or not, I have absolutely no idea. Every situation is different. Some say I have an excellent poker face and am the personification of one self-possessed. Others say I talk too much, too fast and really should learn to relax. I’m a dreamer and a realist, I suppose.

Maybe it’s anxiety, maybe it’s trying to find that key to blending in and standing out at the right times. Maybe it’s because I feel so unknown, or the fact that there simply are so many unknowns in the universe. And believe me when I say that I try. I don’t do things half-assed, unless I’m half-dead.

Why does ‘try’ get such a bad rap? Action, it’s all about the doing, these days. Don’t try, do! (Yoda and others). Trying is action. Trying is doing. It’s the people that try and keep on trying that make things happen. Even if you do nothing, that has an impact. Now you see why I don’t quote, quote, quote, pulling words from other people’s mouths and off the world wide web. Context means a lot to me, and often, context is lost in pursuit of sharing the above impactful phrases.

I got woken up by thunder and lightening at around 6am. I had toast for breakfast. It was delicious. I went to work and didn’t look up for about 7 hours. My good friend and colleague, Alex responded to one of my numerious emails with “Yes! You are on fire, girl!” which made me laugh out loud. It’s true — I’m surprised there weren’t scorch marks on my desk and a trail of smoke up to the ceiling.

The text looks different today? Why is that? IDK.

Went grocery shopping after work, stuffed my bag full of fruits and veggies and hauled it home to put on my chef’s hat prepping for the next 3 days of travel and dance. I did a load of laundry, watched a stupid video of a crazy bird screaming in ecstasy over the arrive home of a beloved family member, blogged, listened to my *Casual playlist some tunes.

I feel equally enthusiastic about bouncing off the walls or lying out cold on my bed. You know that feeling that the world is on fast-forward and it’s a push to keep up? I feel rather that lately, I am the one that is on fast-forward, and the world just isn’t fast enough. I look down and my toes are curled of their own accord as tight as they can go, my whole body primed for giant leap forward that nine times out of ten can only be accomplished in a series of small hops, bites and pieces, stolen moments.

I’m motivated. So totally motivated. I’ve been giving 110% percent across the board, because I want to, because I can, because it feels good. I’ve realized that for me, time is really not of any consequence. But energy is. Anything, everything, people, places, things, they should fill you up, inspire you to do more, be better, not tear you down. Generally, I’m pretty good at keeping this energy in balance for the greater good 🙂 But there is still room for improvement. Honestly. I’m motivated. So totally motivated.

Affirmations: I can do this. It will be alright. Don’t worry. Take care of yourself. Eat, Sleep. Laugh, Cry. Have fun. Do your very best. I will.

Be kind to yourselves,

–Sam

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