Almost guilty

via the Daily Prompt: Hopeful

Me, myself and I are rockin’ out over here. Today has been truly harmonious. I almost feel guilty for getting so much enjoyment from so little. Key word here is almost.

I got to be me today. It was great.

I so wish that people could see this side of me more often, that I could share it openly with those few close enough to celebrate with. And at the same time, it’s just so rewarding to find it within yourself and keep it there, to feed that spirit wholeheartedly. Sometimes I feel like to create the documentary of my life would be such a cool experience, honestly! My world is filled with such amazing people, so much music and vibrant simplicity, food and laughter.

You know that connection that is made on meeting? When something just clicks and you feel like this person walked into your life with perfect timing and clarity or a piece is captured and recognition sparks?

I’ve met one such person recently. We’d been in the same room for all of 2 minutes and assessing one another in seconds. I think, here is an ally. Warm and compassionate, funny. Bingo. And she says: “You’re obviously an introvert,” which had me laughing on the inside — that was fast. And then, “I’m noticing a lot of tension in your body,” which made my inner-self laugh even harder. Spastic diplegia is defined by tension. You will have to know me for longer than 120 seconds to find out what my ‘relaxed’ stance looks like.

My dad calls me ‘pretzel girl’ for good reason. That’s one thing I’ve noticed more and more, how normal tension sky-rockets during those times when I’d really rather not have my whole body broadcast to the world that I’m experiencing an emotionally charged situation or difficult time or wrestling through one of those tasks that everybody else does without a second thought but for me takes an exorbitant amount of brain power and concentration.  Oftentimes, playing it cool is just not an option. My limbs will go rigid, maybe even shake. My toes will curl and my body will twist. And if you say “Boo!” or “Woof!” I will jump and yell.

The Wikipedia article was an interesting read (click here).

Not sure where I was going with that. Today was golden though. I have to go make chilli with my favourite tunes, and then crash with popcorn and a movie. And butter. I have butter! I love butter! ❤

See you next year, I hope!

–Sam

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