Does anyone really know the answer to that question? I don’t. Maybe it’s because it’s not so much one question, as a series of questions.
How do you feel? Mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually.
What big events have occurred? Love, loss, celebrations, defamations; social, political, personal, economical, environmental…
Mentally, I feel good. Physically, my shoulders hurt and my feet are wet. Emotionally, I’m rather undecided at the moment– my head says ‘follow these steps and call it done’ my heart says ‘Yeah, I get that, but… Are you sure??? Are you sure, Sam???’ Spiritually, I feel safe and grounded in my beliefs.
I’ll come back to the ‘events’ piece. It can basically be summed up, for now in two words: a lot.
Have you ever noticed that some interviews are fabulous, and others are just so terrible that you stop listening after the first 90 seconds?
Sometimes, it’s the interviewer, sometimes it’s the interviewee. If they were both awful, I don’t think there would be an interview to broadcast… Timing, clarity, communication, style, adaptability and the types of questions, and answers, and their phrasing and progression all play an important part in pulling together a solid interview, one that’s enjoyed by all parties. Not just anyone can make it happen.
I have many things I am passionate about, knowledge I would be happy to share, thoughts I would love to express. Sometimes you don’t know you have an answer until the question has been asked– that has been my experience lately. Like, wait… you want an answer to that? Really? Because I have it! Here! Nobody has asked me that before, much less actually desired an answer and been prepared to listen to it.
The past four weeks have helped me to heal and be seen and understood in small, but very important ways. To heal that hole in my chest and remove the incessant snark in my head arguing everything I value is dirt, and draining my power of self-posession, despite evidence to the contrary. And to be seen and understood. Two very powerful things.
Validation can come from friends, family –and sometimes you need that, after being overwhelmed by outside influences. And on the other hand, sometimes an informed outsider with a fresh pair of eyes and some valuable life experience can allow you to look at the situation, and validate your experience of it in a way those closest to you couldn’t possibly do. Thank you, B 🙂
Having spent the last little while being expertly interviewed, after a fashion and then interviewing myself, these are the compelling truths I have rediscovered:
- I have power
- I have value
- I have been hurt
- It’s ok to cry
- I am compassionate, strong and a fighter
- I am intelligent, and courageous in the face of fear and opposition
- Words have power — and sometimes, when words fail, “That really sucks!” sums it up beautifully
- I am worth getting to know
Here’s to a future filled with beautiful things,
**Good friends, good food, great art, fresh air and clean, happy beings!
Composed while imagining dinner, looking back on the day, listening to Israel Kamakawiwoʻole, Joni Mitchel, Johnny Cash and others, hoping my dog is loved and my family is happy and warm.