Fibre of being

I’m pretty muddled today.

I don’t feel like talking– I feel like retreating.

I’ve been really jumpy lately, finding everything stressful.

I’m writing everything down, trying to sing and smile everyday as a way of keeping myself together.

Writing provides immediate relief and if not instant clarity, then at least a sense of order for the times when I feel my head is about to split with all the various thoughts, fantasies and figments careening around my skull.

You have to relax, and breathe and measure and stretch to get the sound you want; singing is my meditation.

Smiling is good, too. Whether it’s about a funny story or a random thought or a conscious registering of how delicious dinner was or how fabulous I feel in pajamas, brushing my teeth unencumbered on a Saturday, I try to find joy in my day everyday, even if it’s just for a moment.

Everything has been at a roar lately. I would give anything for some quiet, a good dog, a good book, a good sleep and plenty of good food. Really, I’m just missing the dog. I’d like to foster someone small, as I think that it would be a win for all concerned, however, more research is required before anybody says yes to anything. But I want this with every fibre of my being, honestly.



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