I know many people, I enjoy being with them and hearing about their days– they are all good people. But there are very few people I feel I can truly be myself around.
I like the familiar, crave it. I value the time and effort it takes to know something intimately, to be able to do one thing, and do it well, whether it’s shopping for groceries or playing a symphony, driving a car or walking the neighbourhood. I also love spontaniety, variety and a challenge.
I just feel that lately, I’ve been on the defensive, always explaining patiently — and sometimes not so patiently, bringing someone up to speed, filling in the history and the gaps to complete a picture, a profile, a moment in time, treading lightly on conversations, watching what I say, tailoring it to my audience.
And, I mean, I’m not some inconsiderate, ignorant loud-mouth; I think before I speak, rushing into anything is really not my style. And yet it is so restrictive and disheartening when I say what’s on my mind and the response is “Yeah, so? (insert tangent here)” or a blank stare…Which is why it is so refreshing when I can turn off the filter, and have a conversation that avoids the proverbial rabbit hole! Hooray!