Monthly Archives: July 2016

Act on it

They filmed a zombie movie across from work this week.

I think myself a terrible actor, and yet am surprised every day when, whether it was intended or not, people comment on what I show the world, what I am to different people.

I’ve spent the last few days acting on some things and failing to act on others– tomorrow is last call for all the things I’m not going to write, because, well, I know there are people I know who read this and I don’t really want you to get the wrong impression 🙂

I met someone in person the other day after having spent the last 6 months collaborating over the phone– they said I was just as they had imagined me to be.

I had a panic attack again recently which was, to say the least, very uncomfortable and unnerving, but it definitely helped knowing what it was and I stumbled my way through to the other side and back into coherence.

I’ve come to realize that what Dad says is true, people will talk to the listeners, for as long as they themselves have a story that needs one. I am one, and the stories have been coming hard and fast. And I have to say that I am, quite frankly, exhausted with the hearing and have come here to tell my own story after taking in weeks of upheavals.

 

 

Decadent

I’m feeling pretty good right now.

I’ve eaten lots of good food and had lots of good conversations — only had one person hang up on me for July so far 🙂

I cut my hair, so now it’s short and curly and I feel like a new person.

I had potatoes and chicken with Grandma, and fresh blueberries with ice-cream for dessert and it just really hit the spot. And the swim before dinner was absolute bliss!

Feeling pretty strong, pretty confident, pretty stable, which is just so freakin’ nice.

I work pretty damn hard to keep it together, to keep myself in a positive space, with room to grow and so it’s nice to appreciate the times when life is great and I can relax for a bit and just enjoy the ride.

I want to read my book. I was going to goof around on fiddle/cello, but I don’t want to disturb the peace and I haven’t cut my fingernails… So, I’ll go read instead. I’m on book six! Maybe I can finish it tonight?! It’s only 9 and I’ve only a few hundred pages left 🙂 — Late summer nights spent adventuring between the pages of a book!

Makes me nostalgic for those summers years ago when Marc and Renee would be over every second day, eating peanut butter and jam sandwiches in the fort, playing Marco Polo in the pool and seeing which of us could hold our breath the longest * I once managed 2 minutes and 20 seconds– sleepovers, chess tournaments, Timbits and days and nights engrossed in the Harry Potter and Pendragon series.

I’ll see how far I get tonight with A Breath of Snow and Ashes.

–Sam

Anecdotal evidence

Today was great.

I had a plan for yesterday that didn’t quite work out. Attempt 2 turned out better.

I had a decent sleep, woke up, and read my book. Turned on the Sunday breakfast tunes, cleaned the kitchen and made porridge with peanut butter, and maple syrup de momma 🙂

Watched part of a show, measured my hair, dressed and headed out the door. Fifteen minutes later I’m at the hairdressers.

“Do you need your hair cut?” the lady asks — Well, no, now that you ask, I’m here to see a man about a dog or perhaps a bit of bowling… Why else would someone be standing in an empty hair salon on a Sunday morning?

“Yes, please!” I reply, and am ushered into the chair, heart pounding. 10 minutes later and I’m 8 inches shorter in the hair department and feeling literally light headed 🙂

I race home, stop to to chat with a little person selling lemonade (amazing treat on a hot day!) shower and take myself out to lunch before walking over to Grandma’s for a visit. I was offered corn on the cob and ‘Death by Chocolate’ ice-cream, which was delicious but had me practicing my ventriloquism when engaged in impromptu conversation on the bus home, hoping nobody noticed if there was anything left stuck in my teeth.

And now, pajamas and a movie 🙂

All’s well that ends well,

–Sam

 

 

Really?

I am that tired, that I am ready to jump into pajamas at 7pm.

I’m craving eggs and chocolate and rain, among other things — something with a beginning, middle and end.

None of this “ongoing” business– except happiness, if that could be “ongoing” that would be good 🙂

Later, alligator…

–Sam

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All of me:

Daily Prompt: (Feast)

“What do you put in your wraps? Everything?”

“Yep.”

“Me too, LOL!”

And, go! Jade and I are loose in the grocery store, gathering armfuls of ingredients, having run down Lonsdale in the evening sun, catching each other up on the latest.

We feast on veggie wraps and greek salad, truffle hummus with Persian flax crackers, homemade guilt-free ice-cream, topped with blueberries.

Prepared with a healthy helping of laughter and and a background of eclectic tunes, we eat and talk about movies and books and swap anecdotes, family quirks and recipes.

Nothing was strained or rushed or awkward.

It was a fantastic feast for mind, body and soul.

Not everything can be put into words,

Thank you, friend

Food Motivated

I don’t understand when people say they don’t like to make their own food, or when they survive on store-bought sweets, pre-sliced pieces of plastic cheese, chips and bottles of coke. There is more to life, people, trust me.

Life can be pretty rotten sometimes, I’m not gonna lie. Sometimes, I don’t believe I could ever be more exhausted, sometimes I curse and scream and pull my hair and just want all my problems to disappear. Sometimes I cheat and have popcorn for dinner, just popcorn. I buy the occasional frozen pizza, and during exam week I absolutely have survived on eating 2 meals a day consisting of porridge and peanut butter and banana sandwiches.

But I mean, seriously. A great meal doesn’t have to be much or cost much or require any heavy lifting. Yeah, you need to know how to find the best bang for your buck, but it can be done. I see survivors every day. And I’m thankful I can say I’m now thriving — because, I’ve been there, in survival mode.

I was thinking about this, how a good meal can take seconds. I remember when we were little, my brother and sister and I, we were homeschooled for a number of years, and were lucky enough to have an amazing Mom and Dad to spend time with learning actual life-skills out in the real world. We got to explore and learn and be outside jumping in puddles, running through mud with the dog and staring wide-eyed at the majestic and towering trees of the coastal rainforest we call home, while everyone else was stuck behind a desk.

We would go up to Gospel Rock with Dad and Kita — I want to say all the time, but I didn’t keep track back then, so I’ll just say once a week at a minimum. It was a fantastic, mysterious place with stunning views, large gatherings of arbutus and hours of trails to explore. We would go with our pocket knives and whistles, tree book, bird book, dressed for the season and ready for adventure. Fall was my favourite, with all the leaves turning colour, the smell of damp earth and the rain. We would often pack snacks, hard-boiled eggs with salt and pepper, and tomato wedges with, you guessed it, salt and pepper — it was indescribably good.

And we would come home, and learn some more, play some fiddle. Mom would make dinner, we would do the dishes and race upstairs to change into our pajamas, and dive onto the bed in Mom and Dad’s room, with our pillows and blankets and various favourite stuffed chums. And Dad would read to us. The Redwall series by Ian Jacques, full of courageous badger warlords, treacherous weasels, and peace-loving moles, a whole forest, a whole world of vibrant characters that Dad brought to life with his voice.  We never wanted to go to bed; I could have listened forever. And the food, my God! The inhabitants of Mossflower Woods had it good. We went to bed hungry every night, not because we didn’t have enough on our own table, but because the descriptions in these books are larger than life, and good enough to start you hallucinating deeper’n ever pies, outside inside cobbler riddles, fresh fruit with cream, and hot scones with jam or honey, hearty soups and quenching cordials… Stomachs did growl, menacingly and drool did pool, let me tell you.

So, have some fun! Buy a decent cookbook for inspiration. Turn up the tunes and sing over the stove, don’t slave. Buy some fresh, seasonal veggies. Treat yourself to that perfectly ripe avocado, buy a baguette and lather with butter. Ask your neighbour to dinner.

Live life! We are all food motivated, people. Anyone who says differently is an idiot.

–Sam

On character, conversation and filters

I know many people, I enjoy being with them and hearing about their days– they are all good people. But there are very few people I feel I can truly be myself around.

I like the familiar, crave it. I value the time and effort it takes to know something intimately, to be able to do one thing, and do it well, whether it’s shopping for groceries or playing a symphony, driving a car or walking the neighbourhood. I also love spontaniety, variety and a challenge.

I just feel that lately, I’ve been on the defensive, always explaining patiently — and sometimes not so patiently, bringing someone up to speed, filling in the history and the gaps to complete a picture, a profile, a moment in time, treading lightly on conversations, watching what I say, tailoring it to my audience.

And, I mean, I’m not some inconsiderate, ignorant loud-mouth; I think before I speak, rushing into anything is really not my style. And yet it is so restrictive and disheartening when I say what’s on my mind and the response is “Yeah, so? (insert tangent here)” or a blank stare…Which is why it is so refreshing when I can turn off the filter, and have a conversation that avoids the proverbial rabbit hole! Hooray!

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Layers.

I find lately that my capacity to deal with the complexity of the world is declining. There are just too many layers and interpretations and questions and motives and maladies.

I’d like to read a good book and have a nap, wake up and eat something yummy, maybe a cup of tea. Simple. Done. None of this “Well, under normal circumstances there’s about 5 million different ways to interpret the situation and under abnormal ones, well, there would be another 5 million…So, do what seems best for all concerned, but don’t screw it up, because, people are counting on you, eh?”

 

Ants in my pants

I couldn’t sit still today, couldn’t settle.

Now I’m home and tired and so incredibly hungry.

The sun is too bright. Mom came to visit and she wore her sunglasses to sit on my couch and chat –that was with the blinds up. And now, I’ve got the blinds down –because I don’t want to spontaneously combust, and it’s still too bright, my transition lenses are moot. I much preferred this morning, when it was overcast and everything was pointing towards rain.

Everything is just clipping along here and I can’t believe it is mid-JULY! Yikes!

I can’t sit still long enough to write the rest of what I wanted to write, so I’ll call it quits for now and go grab some grub.

–Sam