Trying not to…

I’m trying not to let anxiety get the better of me, which it has for the past week-ish. I’m trying not to worry, and just write instead.

I had the world’s most stressful evening and crappiest sleep with the world’s most crowded head last night. I tried not to worry and  ate some chocolate, watched some thrilling tv (bad idea) and the drama The Fundamentals of Caring, which I enjoyed very much. But sleeping was crappy.

Work was pretty good today–pretty freakin’ busy for a Friday, I must say.

I’m glad for the rain and tea and chocolate and clothes that give comfort instead of broadcasting jumbled messages to the topsy-turvy universe that is in my perception these days and also the result of global warming (extreme weather events… coming soon to a ‘hood near you).

Maybe I’ll play fiddle tonight. Maybe, if I’m lucky, I can sleep in tomorrow and wake up refreshed and not full of baseless dread and loneliness. So this is what it feels like, and let me tell you, it’s not very fun. Everything I’m finding out about the world and my place in it is so disheartening. I’d like to see a few rainbows and unicorns, a friend or two, a dog. To feel comfortable in my own skin again and trust in my abilities and those around me.

My honesty is going to come back and bite me in the ass, maybe.

 

 

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