I’m off kilter lately, feeling breathless and whether that’s from being terrified or in another heightened state, I honestly have no idea — things change so fast!
My mind is going a million miles and hour.
This was my day:
Apple porridge while looking at the rain coming in sheets down from the sky. Brisk walk to work over slimy sidewalks. Hours on the phone with clinics and participants, data entry and fielding questions fortified with several cups of tea. Sushi out with Mom and Rube, sans essentials; surprised myself with my chop-sticking abilities. Though probably not correct in the slightest, I did manage to get everything from my plate to my stomach without loosing my cool, or an eye. Back on the phone. Fading fast but booking A1’s for participants left-right and centre.
I walked home with the sun beating down, feeling as though I moved through molasses and made a half-hearted stab at housework. Did an hour of pacing. Made popcorn and half-watched an episode of Grey’s Anatomy. Dinner was beans on toast, veggies and hummus with Rube, who came knocking at my door for some paper-writing moral support. We spent an hour discussing pathologies, eating disorders and finally arrived at what was being written and how to go about it. More tea.
It restores my faith in humanity to know that my sister and I can conclude a conversation, both having learned something and being able to respect, understand and relate to each other’s processes — a piece I sometimes think is glaringly absent in other interactions where each side tries to make it work, but somehow it never does. I try; It is so hard to find yourself sometimes, let alone any sort of kindred spirits.
I’ve left Rube to her writing and come to do mine. My headphones are on and random tunes are on a loop. I can’t believe it’s mid-June. I’m not sure what happened to my weekend, or to the first half of the year, but I’m happy to have made it this far. Happy to be here, but struggling to keep a clear head.
Thank goodness for the blogosphere!