Monthly Archives: March 2016

Pending…

Random post to say that I’m still here and still trucking and still smiling and there will be more on all of everything later 🙂

Life, Work, Dogs, Friends, Family, Grad, Vacay… It’s never boring!

Thank goodness for the weekend! And they are all mine now– I’m parking it at Sami Central for awhile– and gifting my stationary self some well-deserved R&R and fun and tunes.

Visitors welcome!

 

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endgame

It’s where my head is at…

I could do many things– but right now I want to do nothing.

Made it home, finally! I’m so sleepy, and the sky is blue and the sun is shining and I don’t have to be anywhere or do anything, so I’m taking advantage.

~

My hands smell like the soap from the ferry, and my mouth is disinfecting itself with some scrumptious garlic bits from a lunch of quinoa salad– it’s a good thing most of the communicating I do is over the phone, let me tell you 🙂

And my feet are super toasty sitting at the end of my bed absorbing the copious amounts of solar energy that has arrived after a good 3 weeks of rain (19 straight days, actually, with just a few sunny breaks).

~

The usual stereotype is that girls like shoes, and they go to the city to shop for them.

I am a girl, and I do like shoes, though for purely practical reasons. And what do I do? I leave the city and head to the one store in my diminutive –my metropolitan cousins term it as a quaint, seaside village– hometown that sells shoes of all kinds, and buy 3 pairs!

Rubber boots. Check! Sneakers. Check! Casual footwear. Check! Good footwear is underrated. And I’m so, so happy to have found some great options 🙂

~

I feel like I’m getting close to having all the pieces and I just need to take some time to put it all together….

I would like to have a girls night with my sister, popcorn and a fun photoshoot. I’d like to get to the beach. Visit with friends. Hang with my brother. Jam. Clean up and par down….

~

I’m collecting moments, saving pieces, arranging ideas. And I want more of all the good stuff, the fun stuff, the stuff that gives me a sense of satisfaction instead of desperation.

And right now, that’s this blog and sunshine and the ability to curl comfortably around my solitude and stretch the last hours of the weekend into chockfull of goodness to get me through the week ahead.

–Sam

 

Plugged in, Tuned out.

My evening disappeared.

I’ve been writing and relaxing almost since I got home. It feels great.

Lying on my bed, with my laptop. Earbuds in listening to my favourite tracks.

I was half thinking of journeying to the Coast after work and kicking off the Easter weekend among family. But then I thought, “No. You know what? I really want to go home, have the place to myself, eat a solid dinner and chill out. Spend one more sleep in my own bed and enjoy the fact that I don’t have to jump out of it at 7am.”

And I’m so glad I did! I came home, ate a few cookies, watched some HP — Deathly Hallows: part 1 😀 Wrote some new content for this blog of mine, perused various points of interest. Made a fantastic stir-fry, accompanied by some great tunes. And came to rest and write the rest, back here in bed.

I’m stuffed. I am so full! And one glass of almond milk was honestly more of a dessert than the cookies.

I’m so thankful for the moments that I can feel grounded and not worry or think about too much. There is so, so much to consider these days, and sometimes my head actually hurts, trying to sort through it all — more on that later.

Off I go to watch the ending of my movie, digest my meal, get cozy and hopefully have a decent sleep(in) to jumpstart my weekend.

–Sam

drive.

I find it interesting, what drives people, and what drives them crazy. Though, I don’t think I’d want to venture into the professions of psychology or social work.

Connecting with people, and connecting people with other people on the basis of who they are and where they are in life, and providing an open point of contact and a jumping off point for gathering more information, without getting too personal or analytical is one of my favourite parts in the job that I do.

I’ve been told many times, by many people that I am a patient person. And I believe it. I know it. Working with people, listening to them, gathering information, it takes time. And if you rush it, or push too hard, it can turn into a pretty nasty mess. People hang up on you, walk away, yell, tighten their fists in frustration, burst into tears. But patience is not something I have to think about, or program into my brain. It is part of who I am and how I operate.

“Just… It’s like this, see? Don’t you get it?! Arrgh!” is not my natural or usual sentiment or reaction.

But in the past 3 weeks alone, I’ve come to understand that is exactly how some people react. I spent 10 minutes on the phone today slowly extracting critical pieces of information from an MOA.

I was on hold. Then I explained who I was and why I was calling, what information I needed and why. Repeat x3. Add in a crappy phone connection and possible language barrier. First time, the answer was No. The information you want is not available. Ok, that’s fine. Is there any way to access the information or talk to a doctor? Maybe. The information was eventually found, retrieved, relayed and reiterated for clarity. And I felt good about the call, concluded with my saying “That’s awesome, that’s all the information I needed, thank you! The MOA responded, “Great! Thank you. Have a good weekend!” (“The same to you, goodbye!”), each hearing the smiles in the other’s voice.

I look up from writing the details on the form to see my co-worker standing open mouthed at my door, having overheard my side of the conversation from her office next door.

“Wow! Sam, you are a rockstar. Seriously, that was amazing. I would have wanted to strangle them one minute in.”

I smile and laugh, turning red in the process. “Thank you.”

“Rockstar.” She shakes her head, smiling and disappears down the hall.

It’s a shift in thinking for some people to slow down and listen, to go gently instead of hard and fast.

I have to exercise a shift in thinking for many things, walking, for example and mathematical equations and anything at all to do with travelling from A to B or navigational directions! But patience is not one of them, so it’s hard to take credit, really.

Still, positive feedback of the open-mouthed variety is wonderful to receive. And I am amazed every day by the generosity and compassion and talent of my coworkers and incredibly appreciative of the work they do to create a fantastic work environment and better the health of the community… You guys are amazing, thank you.

thoughts on spring

I’ve been sneezing a lot.

I’m trying to pay more attention to the words I use.

Please don’t gift me stuff. I just want to enjoy the experience, share the moment.

Out with the old and tired, and in with the fresh and new. Amen!

I would really love some peanut butter, and for someone to come for tea. I want to read what’s on my shelf, and remind myself why I love libraries and muffins and sunny afternoons.

I need some fresh air and a dog to hang with. I really love music and dance, and having a sense of joy and place in what is often a chaotic world.

I can barely keep my eyes open, but I’m going to attempt a shower and an episode of Grey’s with popcorn. And fingers crossed for a comfortable sleep in — I wouldn’t mind a bit if it rained all day tomorrow 🙂 Self care and space care coming up.

 

 

haywire

My biological systems have gone completely haywire.

I felt so icky I had one shower this morning and after serious consideration, one this evening. Borrowing a phrase from Diana Gabaldon, ‘I feel as though my belly is full of broken glass’ (Claire, The Fiery Cross).

Physical activity definitely helps negate the pain, which is really irritating, because when you’re in pain, the last thing you feel like doing is getting up and going for a walk or run. And I could take a pill, but I suck at taking pills; I’d rather have a belly full of broken glass, than sit desperately chugging water over the sink and gagging on minuscule meds for a half hour 🙂

Nonetheless, I am surprisingly optimistic, as only one who has an extreme fondness for weekends can be on a Thursday!

–Sam

 

just ok

Today was just ok; not good, not bad. Just ok.

I felt like it took me forever to walk home. And somehow I got 2 of everything in the mail, which was all junk mail anyways, though I did keep a lined notepad of which there was only one. And I got in the door and put my stuff down and fell full length on the bed, and it just felt amazing. I love my bed. I love my house.

Lying on my bed, stretched full out, just gazing at the ceiling or with head tilted to one side, eyes open or closed is sometimes the best therapy, the best way to focus on what matters and what’s good. Like breathing and being pain-free and stress-free and just getting to know your body and listen to it and relax– all of which I have been doing and appreciating for the last hour.

I will also admit to having no desire whatsoever to move or eat. And to having found a fun little show about dogs and the people who love them, called Paul O’Grady: For the Love of Dogs.

So far, it’s modern, humane and funny, with a good soundtrack mix of Mumford and Sons, Michael Bubble, and others. Bondi Vet‘s not happening right now, so this one’s looking pretty good 🙂

–Sam

 

many directions (2)

Abrasion:

Feeling empty and just keeping my head above water here.

Why does all the proverbial shit in my little corner of the world have to happen at once?

I get maybe it’s hard to keep it together, but honestly, I’m worried right now and it would be nice if everyone in my circle of trust didn’t go thinking up worse-case scenarios and making backseat navigational decisions and judgement calls.

Sometimes I just need to talk it out and have a hug at the end. And sometimes that needed support, and listening ability is lacking.

On the upside, I made it through today 🙂

Work was a success, though the experience was comparable to running with scissors.

Pasta dinner was delicious!

Writing helps me deal. The current soundtrack is pretty great and the hour is still decent.

Did I mention that I miss boring and predictable??!! It’s pretty ambitious, but I feel if I can make it another 6 weeks, I might have a chance of achieving a routine that I can continue to follow for the rest of 2016. I will try my very best.

–Sam