Know me?

People think they know me, but do they really? And more to the point, I don’t feel like I really know anyone anymore… Do I? I feel like I know myself pretty damn well though, so that’s comforting.

All I want to do right now is to curse, and rest and make melodies, phrasing evolved from the original version of ‘Swear, Sleep and Sing.’

All this stuff close to me right now, I’ve taken in with the ‘That’s so messed up!’ filter on. Like, why would you do that, say that? To yourself, to others? Wasn’t there another option? Oh, yeah, there was, but you didn’t pick it, chose not to or were unable to, for whatever reason. And I think to myself, Would I do it that way? Hell, no!

And all this goes through my mind: The dog is (way) stressed out, not stupid! The human is near exhaustion. Plan? What plan?! Ever thought of asking someone-else for their professional opinion? Ever tried to look at something differently? Maybe nobody gives a crap about what you have to say– and maybe they should, or maybe they shouldn’t. Maybe they’ve decided to simply walk away and make something better. Have some respect for individuals, and their choices. Have some compassion.

And I just wanted to turn my brain off and sleep like the dead, escape the noise and the conflict and the chaos and the challenges…which was pretty much impossible and a failure, until last night when by some miracle I ended up in bed by 7, slept through 4 dramatized gun fights and 2 live sirens occurring within a 10 minute window and woke up at 9 this morning, feeling quite refreshed and looking remarkably human.

And all the really great tunes come through my headphones at the most inopportune times, like when I want to say, “OMG, I love this song! I can so totally relate right now and just want to shout it to the sky, sing it out-loud and laugh or cry companionably over it with someone close to my heart”, and that happens on the bus downtown at rush-hour with capacity maxed out and odours of the days of a hundred plus people clogging my airways 🙂

Anyway, in conclusion, I’m done giving, when all the other person is doing is taking. I’m looking for a little more balance, here and if I’m being honest, something a little more Sami-centric. I’m going on this, my journey and you’re welcome to join me, but don’t expect me to always stay between whatever lines you’ve drawn.

Advertisements