I’ll admit to feeling overwhelmed.
Action, follow-through, commitment, closure. In plain freaking english! I’m tired of being treated like a second-class citizen, fighting like hell, being the bigger man and getting nothing back.
Maybe it’s not a big deal to you, but it’s a big deal to me.
I’m tired of dealing with lawyers and ancients and people who have no idea what they’re talking about. Why are some issues that are too big to be given to one person, given to precisely one person?
Why is it that the pivotal moments are left to chance? What happened to common sense, common courtesy, justice?
I’m tired of scripts: “Sorry.” “That’s how it is.” “That’s unfortunate.” “Can’t make it.” “Been busy…” I want to be known, to be understood, to matter to those who matter to me.
I want to laugh, to start fresh. I want to escape this backwards, traitorous system of assistance where the only way to get by is to become docile and dependent, to sit on the couch and wait and to believe them when they say: “You’ll never amount to anything, you’re not supposed to, and if you try, we’ll take your faith in humanity and blow it to smithereens.”
I’ve been walking on eggshells, and I’m sick of it. Sick of having the short end of the stick, of no closure, having to share personal details, having my motives and integrity questioned. Being penalized for exercising common sense. Having nothing to sink my teeth into, and no one who really “gets” what it is I am trying so desperately to say.