Monthly Archives: February 2015

Loco

What a crazy week.

Rube came home from Peru! Woohoo!!! 🙂

I had two major projects due.

And I’ve been doing a lot of back and forth, (from school to work to home to Grandma’s) with a pack that just keeps getting heavier.

Everything feels like it’s on fast forward, except there’s still an excruciating 2 months left until school’s out for the summer. I am ready for summer now! I want to start my own projects, and sit and read a book in the sunshine – please note that under no circumstances will I allow this summer to get anywhere near the craziness of the one past (the one where I forgot to breathe).

I plan on working, networking and visiting with people who actually care. I’m sorry, but life, love and communication really is a two way street, and I’m tired of the charades and unidirectional traffic. The things I’m struggling with are hard to put into words. It is truly a difficult situation. And if you’re sure you want to know the whole story, I will tell you -come have tea and a listen. But here’s the blog appropriate short version.

I really care about people. I respect and value them as a person and friend. And I thought they respected and valued me as a person and friend, also. I don’t believe I’m being unreasonable. I communicate well and always make an effort. And when that effort is rarely, if ever reciprocated in kind, it makes you feel like crap.

Charade: We’re friends. Sorry I’ve been out of touch for the past 3 months, but I’ve been really busy (a jumble of legit and not so legit excuses). How are you? Let’s get together soon, on Saturday, ok?  Yeah, that’s great. Sorry, got to go.

Me: Great to hear from you. What have you been up to? That sounds amazing. My classes at CapU are going really well. So, see you on Saturday!

Saturday: I am alone. Maybe I got a phone call, text, email, Facebook message or Skype notification (let’s be honest, it’s really NOT that hard to stay in touch these days). Maybe not. Maybe someone died and they had to go to a funeral instead of out for coffee with a friend. Maybe not. Maybe they care. Maybe not. But I care. And to be regularly disregarded and stood up, to be bailed on at the last possible second, and lied to again and again, that hurts.

It also makes you angry. Why is this happening? Am I stupid? Am I a horrible person? It makes you want to stop caring so much, to just move on, and yet you cling to the hope that maybe you’re wrong, maybe they do care, maybe this was all just a misunderstanding, maybe things will change. But eventually, you have to pick a side. And I’ve picked mine. I choose happiness over crappiness. My happiness.

And it hurts to cut ties. But those ties obviously aren’t working, the relationship, as it stands, won’t work. It has to end. Sorry.

Anyways, I’m quite exhausted. It has, like I’ve said, been a crazy week.

Night, night 🙂

– Sam

The Sammy Shuffle: part 9

Hidden Gems:

So, I recently found a ten dollar bill while randomly riffling through my designated random-and-small-but-important-stuff container 🙂 Score! I was so excited I laughed and jumped up and down, and nearly fell over backwards.

And I also happened across a few well written articles on the topic of disability, which I had saved quite a while ago on my laptop. Because they (in my opinion) manage to hit the nail so squarely on the head, I am sharing them with you now.

  1. Disability Simulations – http://www.themobilityresource.com/i-wont-pretend-disability-simulation-works/
  2. Ten things – http://www.themobilityresource.com/10-things-people-dont-understand-about-people-with-disabilities/
  3. Disability: Congenital vs Acquired – http://www.themobilityresource.com/were-you-born-a-crip-or-did-you-become-one/
  4. Awkward Questions – http://abilities.ca/mom-whats-wrong-man-awkward-questions-promote-inclusion-acceptance-among-children/
  5. What Everyone Should Know – http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ellen-seidman/what-everyone-should-know-about-cerebral-palsy_b_2948847.html

 

Weird & Wacky

Goodness gracious! My routine and my thinking have gone haywire these past few days. I need sleep. I need the weekend. And I need no interruptions! Ok? Thank you 🙂

TGIF. It’s time for a movie. I will find peace! I will have order!

This is not coming across very well. Or maybe it is? This is my inner dialogue, and in my mind it is both epic and hilarious.

Goodnight!

Coffee Shops:

I have recently come to the conclusion that I have a definite distaste for coffee shops.

  • They are loud, so loud! The conversations, the music, the equipment all compete with each other.
  • They are either big, glaring and impersonal spaces or so small as to be claustrophobic. Either way they are usually so full and busy that you can barely move.
  • Baby stollers, supply trucks, lineups, phones chiming and screens glinting. They are hubs of energy that I find deeply unsettling. I just want to sit and have a quiet, relaxed conversation with a friend, but to do so in these places is nearly impossible! I can’t hear myself think, let alone hear what my friend is saying across the table.
  • And let’s be honest, food and drink at these establishments can get expensive!

Coffee shops are just not really my thing 🙂

Old Guys:

#1. So, this was a while ago. But it still cracks me up. This elderly gentleman comes up to me one day. “What happened to you?” he asks. I answer good-naturedly.

“Oh, don’t worry, sweetheart,” he tells me, “Someday you’re going to find a man who will love you just the way you are– even with the crutches, and your crooked teeth and bushy eyebrows”  (all with 100% seriousness). He walks away and leaves me laughing silently.

I’m not perfect. But I am happy with who I am. The crutches, I love. I don’t need or want to take a trip to the orthodontist. And my eyebrows, well, I’m not too worried about those either! 😀

 

#2. More recently, I was shopping for a new printer— and ended up a rather reluctant listener of the life story of the one lonely “Middle Aged Man” working in the electronics department 🙂

What I wouldn’t  give to have been asked, Hey Sam! Want to go grab a pizza and a movie?  by a friend (or some “Nice Looking Young Man” 😀 ) for a quick and easy exit.

Sometimes I wonder where all the happy, good looking, young people are. They seem to be –and I believe, statistically, are– greatly outnumbered by lonely, tired looking, older people.

*the population is growing, the population is growing older, and older people are lonelier.

Hope:

I am really looking forward to Ruby coming home. My sister has this energy, sincerity and spontaneity that I have really missed these past few months while she’s been away with Canada World Youth.

Also, I’ve been feeling rather uncoordinated and uncomfortable these last few days; hoping to get back to coordinated and comfortable asap 🙂

The Little Things:

My house became a home in November 2013, and has grown over the past 15 months to be my greatest source of happiness. To be here, by myself, doing things in my own way and in my own time, to feel confident and safe brings an incredible sense of freedom and independence.

  • singing in the kitchen making dinner
  • walking in the rain
  • netflix and chocolate
  • sleeping like the dead
  • hot showers
  • clean clothes
  • singing in the kitchen doing dishes
  • hot breakfast
  • watching the snow fall
  • reading “The Art of Racing in the Rain”
  • jamming with myself on fiddle until my fingers hurt
  • managing to tie up loose ends without me or anyone/thing else falling to pieces
  • warm blankets, hot chocolate and an amazing view

What’s not to love? (This is the winter edition by the way 🙂 )