What a crazy week.
Rube came home from Peru! Woohoo!!! 🙂
I had two major projects due.
And I’ve been doing a lot of back and forth, (from school to work to home to Grandma’s) with a pack that just keeps getting heavier.
Everything feels like it’s on fast forward, except there’s still an excruciating 2 months left until school’s out for the summer. I am ready for summer now! I want to start my own projects, and sit and read a book in the sunshine – please note that under no circumstances will I allow this summer to get anywhere near the craziness of the one past (the one where I forgot to breathe).
I plan on working, networking and visiting with people who actually care. I’m sorry, but life, love and communication really is a two way street, and I’m tired of the charades and unidirectional traffic. The things I’m struggling with are hard to put into words. It is truly a difficult situation. And if you’re sure you want to know the whole story, I will tell you -come have tea and a listen. But here’s the blog appropriate short version.
I really care about people. I respect and value them as a person and friend. And I thought they respected and valued me as a person and friend, also. I don’t believe I’m being unreasonable. I communicate well and always make an effort. And when that effort is rarely, if ever reciprocated in kind, it makes you feel like crap.
Charade: We’re friends. Sorry I’ve been out of touch for the past 3 months, but I’ve been really busy (a jumble of legit and not so legit excuses). How are you? Let’s get together soon, on Saturday, ok? Yeah, that’s great. Sorry, got to go.
Me: Great to hear from you. What have you been up to? That sounds amazing. My classes at CapU are going really well. So, see you on Saturday!
Saturday: I am alone. Maybe I got a phone call, text, email, Facebook message or Skype notification (let’s be honest, it’s really NOT that hard to stay in touch these days). Maybe not. Maybe someone died and they had to go to a funeral instead of out for coffee with a friend. Maybe not. Maybe they care. Maybe not. But I care. And to be regularly disregarded and stood up, to be bailed on at the last possible second, and lied to again and again, that hurts.
It also makes you angry. Why is this happening? Am I stupid? Am I a horrible person? It makes you want to stop caring so much, to just move on, and yet you cling to the hope that maybe you’re wrong, maybe they do care, maybe this was all just a misunderstanding, maybe things will change. But eventually, you have to pick a side. And I’ve picked mine. I choose happiness over crappiness. My happiness.
And it hurts to cut ties. But those ties obviously aren’t working, the relationship, as it stands, won’t work. It has to end. Sorry.
Anyways, I’m quite exhausted. It has, like I’ve said, been a crazy week.
Night, night 🙂