Monthly Archives: September 2014

Misc.

Thoughts are rocketing around inside my head.

There are so many of them! On law and order, the generation gap, my to do list, my likes and dislikes, and hopes and dreams, and and and…

I can’t just let them sit, and I can’t make them stop. And I can’t type it all out or I would be here for forever!

I don’t know how to describe the state I’m in. I feel good.

It’s not unpleasant. It’s not antisocial. I’m not “in” my head, but I’m not really “out” of it either. They’re all constructive thoughts, they all lead somewhere important.

But there’s so many of them! And so few opportunities for discussion, it can get a bit distracting.

Maybe I’m just weird.

Advertisements

Cravings

Something must be done! I really need to go to the book store and make some essential purchases. I need a novel to sink my teeth into.

There are certain books missing from my collection, including Outlander, and The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe – which I simply can go no longer without.

Reading books with titles like Fluency with Information Technology and Criminology 101 while very interesting, just doesn’t cut it!

This year Outlander has come to the small screen, and some of my favorite characters have come to life in truly fantastical fashion. But now the first part of Outlander, Season 1 has ended! And I must wait until APRIL next YEAR, for the rest of the story to be continued? Seriously?! 🙂

Consequently, I’ve made up my mind to begin my search for books for my shelves in earnest. On my wish list: OutlanderThe Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, a World Atlas and an Encyclopedia. Wish me luck! 🙂

Drinking and Driving

I don’t drink alcoholic beverages, and I don’t drive a vehicle.

It’s not that I can’t, or won’t, or have some absolute moral principle to uphold or a reputation to protect. I just choose not to. It doesn’t interest me, it is not important to me at this time. And neither is a requirement for the continuation of life on this planet, so why worry about hitting these social milestones of adulthood right NOW?

I am happy drinking non-alcoholic beverages and taking transit.

Asking someone why they do, or don’t drink or drive is like asking a person why they did or didn’t go skydiving or become a banker. Everyone has their own interests and motives. Everything has it’s benefits and rewards as well as risks.

Neither the drinking of alcoholic beverages nor driving a vehicle is required for the continuation of life on this planet. And the same goes for banking and skydiving.

And that is that.

Less is More + School is Fun!

Written summer 2014:

A note between friends: rather than writing it all twice, this is the latest look inside my crazy head 🙂

***

I just want to relax!!! (Friend for tea, yoga, book/movie, sleep in… you know?).

There’s been a lot happening lately, and I’ve been putting a lot of effort and time into making it work (mostly for other people) and I just need some time to myself/to do what I want to do.

Looking forward to school starting, for something fun and consistent and goal oriented where I can do it by myself, without relying on/having to work with/plan around other people. Don’t know if any of that makes sense?

Just to say again that a lot has been happening, and it’s been mostly good. But I am looking forward to doing less and having more me time 🙂

Before the summer ends I need at least one more day to myself, and it would be great to find something FUN to do with a friend/family member (on my schedule, my turf). Because I’ve been doing a lot of adjusting to other people’s schedules and traveling all over the place, and I’m just plain BEAT.

Sorry if my brain is on repeat.

With a little help from my friends

It is so nice when you are able to capture and appreciate those moments when communication is easy and fluid and clear, when there is no need to explain or justify things- because the understanding is already in place.

As it relates to living with a disability, this is not something that happens often. Whether the communication is between my brain and muscles or between myself and another person, it takes a lot of hard work to get to “easy”.

People want to help. But in their eagerness/ignorance they forget to ask how.

I get grabbed a lot – “Here, let me help you” (yank). I also get told, “Do it this way,” and sometimes I get to be invisible.

What people don’t realize:

If I need help, I WILL ask for it.

I will tell you which of my appendages need yanking, when and how to yank. I get funny looks for this all the time; “You want me to pull your leg that way? Like this? Are you sure?” – Of course I’m sure!

I can’t always do things like everyone else.

I do things a little differently. Just because it looks weird, awkward or painful doesn’t mean it is- I do it that way because it works for me.

I am a very intelligent and capable individual. 

Ruby and I recently travelled to Victoria for a few days. Now, my sister is by far the most outgoing of the two of us and I often let her take the lead on things. But occasionally this arrangement can backfire.

Because I am so quiet, and my disability is so visible, to the outsider, it could appear as though my younger sister were actually my chaperone. And there were a few awkward moments where employees at various locations spoke only to Ruby, instead of addressing the two of us equally, which startled and unnerved us both. Ruby commented: “She spoke to me. She never even looked at you, Sam.”

Dog Training 101:

This is important!

Read this public service announcement, and learn about the World Dog Trainers Motivation Transparency Challenge

Smart dog training

World Dog Trainers Motivation Transparency Challenge– started by Jean Donaldson.

Transparency Video Challenge– started by John McGuigan. You can watch video #1 here at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6axvHur5ZS8

More information: http://eileenanddogs.com/2014/10/13/world-dog-training-motivation-transparency-challenge/

Sibling Rivalry:

All these big, exciting, important, interesting, cool things are happening with my sibs.

And me, well on the outside nothing approaching the attention-grabbing grandeur of the other two. I’m just living life the best I can, learning as I go. Enjoying the process.

To be honest I feel a little stressed, resentful and left out. And rather immature for admitting  to thinking “But what about me!” 😛

 

Slow Down!

I have 2 points to make:

  • After this busy summer, school will be the easy part.
  • People are busy, too busy; you honestly can’t do it all! At least not well.

I miss those days when:

  • Friends would just drop by the house (no need to call and schedule an appointment 2 weeks in advance).
  • Things were more relaxed and you could have a real heart to heart, without worrying whether either party was actually capable of engaging in conversation or whether they were too exhausted, distracted and stressed after 14 cups of coffee (ingested in an attempt to transform themselves into some superhuman, so they can be everywhere at once and get everything done) to understand a word.
  • You could watch a movie together. Just the movie. Together. Not I’ll watch it, and you can watch the abridged version, in 10 second increments, while surfing the web and chatting with friends and buying your next pair of shoes- PUT DOWN THE PHONE, seriously!

Struggles

Right now there are pieces of my life that are out of sync.

I am stressed. I feel like an idiot. I don’t know what to think.

I need someone to listen, really listen and understand my thoughts, feelings and process. I need an ally! I need to get in sync!! I need to be able to be understood!!!

Life is what you make it? Well, right now I wish I had the power to make people listen, make them understand and make everything simple.

I am out of patience. People who don’t listen, who don’t understand, complicated systems and relations, be gone! I am done. But now where do I turn?